Always
by obsidianLight16
Summary: "You don't even care, do you?" Vaan comes face to face with reality in one of the harshest ways."My brother's dead! He's not coming back!"


**A/N: Short and hopefully not confusing. This takes place in between after they confront Basch's twin brother and Vaan comes to accept that his Rex is dead. T^T That's not fair...I LIKED Rex. **

**Disclaimer: I own no one. Vaan's adorable and I wish he was mine.**

* * *

"_Rex is… my brother's gone! He's not coming back. Rex is dead!"_

* * *

Vaan stood outside in the bitter snow, wrapping his white cloak around his shoulders tighter. It was dusk, the setting sun right before him, casting a golden hue of warmth across the frozen tundra. Amidst the dying pink and radiating purple of the sky, he found himself wondering why he was still so cold.

* * *

"_Vaan."_

"_Forget it Penelo. It doesn't matter anymore."_

"_But-"_

"_Just drop it!"_

* * *

If he tilted his head slightly to the left, he would be able to see the moon, barely visible, hidden beneath drifting clouds. Several stars dotted the sky in a pattern he never bothered to figure out, unreadable in his eyes and nothing more than dots. Dots in the perfect sky of beauty.

He was alone.

But he didn't care.

At least, that's what he told himself as a nerve-racking shudder ran through his body. His fingers shook as he fumbled to pull the cloak tighter yet.

He didn't care because he wanted to be alone.

Space, he determinedly to himself, was exactly what he needed.

Nothing else.

"Just…you and I…there's no one else, Rex…"

Vaan felt his throat clench, a hard knot forming so that he could speak aloud no more. _I hate it. Are you happy Rex? Are you happy with this? _He angrily looked down, eyes burning. _Why…it wasn't fair. I hate them all you know. For taking you away. _

* * *

"_Stay! You can't just leave me!"_

"_Vaan…I'm doing this to keep you safe."_

"_Rex I-"_

"_I promise I'll be back. And then we can go visit Miguel like we used to. Okay?"_

_

* * *

_

_You lied…_ Vaan had yanked the cloak tight enough so that it was choking him, holding him tight in its grasp- never letting go. "You…lied… You lied!"

He couldn't breathe now. He felt the weight of the world on his shoulders with his back threatening to give out at any moment. And he fell to his knees with a _crunch_, still gasping for air.

But that was okay.

Because he was alone.

And this was what he needed.

* * *

"_Where are you going?"_

"…_Out."_

"…_.Vaan?"_

"_What?"_

"_Don't stay out too late. It gets cold."_

"_I know Penelo. I know…"_

* * *

Here he was, two hours later. Still in the snow with a suffocating cloak. His knees were pulled to his chest. His face buried into his arms. The snow fell around him, carried by the wind.

His tears stayed frozen on his deep flushed cheeks.

He hated the cold. It had never suited him.

Bright orange, red, and yellow started to appear in tiny rays, illuminating the snow with beauty.

Vaan's sobs slowly receded, but he didn't look up.

The sun's warmth was on him- so why didn't he feel warm?

Was he going to be cold forever?

And then….

There was another voice. Coming from behind him.

"I thought you said you wouldn't stay out late. Penelo's in quite a worry."

Vaan felt his breathing suffer as the cloak wound tighter around him. There was someone else with him? How long had he been there for- watching him wallow in self pity? He kept his head down, holding his knees as if it were it the last thing keeping him sane. How embarrassing to be caught like this. _I-I'm a mess aren't I? I'm disappointing to you, right? _

Now he couldn't stop.

He couldn't stop shaking.

He couldn't stop crying.

_Such a disappointment to you…I was supposed to be strong for you but- I…_ He heard the sound of feet crunching beside him and only succeeded in crying harder. _I- I can't do it anymore. I can't-_

"You don't have to pretend if it hurts."

Vaan felt the touch before he heard the voice, and instead of pushing the man away like he wanted to, he fell into his embrace.

* * *

"_You don't care about me at all, do you?"_

"_What are you talking about Vaan?"_

"_See? You won't even listen!"_

"_I _am _listening. You're not making much sense right now, that's all. Why don't you go lie down?" _

"_I'm not a child. Everyone here can stop treating me like some useless child!"_

"_Vaan…go lie down."_

"_No!"_

"_Vaan-"_

"_No! I'm sick of you telling me what to do!"_

"_Balthier? Vaan? What's going on?"_

"_Penelo, thank goodness. Would you kindly take Vaan to his room?"_

"…_Don't touch me. I can walk on my own."_

"_Vaan, wait-"_

"_Just let him go, Penelo."_

"_But…"_

"…_He needs space."_

"_Balthier…?"_

"_Yes…?"_

"_Will you promise to get him if he has too much space?"_

"…_Always."_

* * *

"Vaan…you're ruining my cloak."

Vaan looked at him in surprise, grey eyes wide and glistening with tears he had yet to shed. Dark eyes stared back at him with little emotion, a small smile on his face. And Vaan lost it. Everything he had tried to keep together fell apart with a single look.

"I'm…sorry…." He clutched the pirate's cloak with his gloved hands, gasping for air as hot tears ran down the sides of his cheeks. "I'm so, so, sorry…. I'm sorry…" The words sounded foreign, as if he wasn't the one speaking. "I'm sorry-"

"Enough. That's enough already," Balthier gently said. He wiped a hand under the blonde's eye. "You're going to make yourself sick you know."

Vaan lowered his gaze.

"But I'd take care of you." Balthier smiled at the way Vaan froze, leaning towards him with warm eyes. "And…" his voice turned soft. "I'd love you….always."

Vaan's breath hitched at the sudden proximity of the brunette, his cheeks turning pink with something else. "Balthier, what are you-?"

Balthier's answer was to kiss him delicately on the cheek. "You're frozen Vaan…" he muttered, brushing his lips over his skin until they were hovering above the blonde's. "You should really come inside…" Without hesitating any longer, he had captured the blonde's lips with his own, pulling them both into a soft kiss. "Penelo," he murmured as he pulled away, "is probably killing Basch by now."

Vaan's eyes stayed wide, even as the pirate moved back and released his arms from around him.

Balthier smirked and hoisted them both to their feet, the younger boy stumbling against him from having knelt in the snow for so long. "Shall we go? I'd really prefer if you didn't get sick." Vaan wordlessly nodded, causing him to change his smirk to a genuine smile.

"Balthier…?"

"Hmm?"

"Why?"

The brunette thoughtfully hummed as they trudged back towards the Strahl, his arm around the blonde's waist. "It wasn't sudden you know. I've always cared."

Vaan flushed, thinking back to their argument the day before. "You could've stopped me."

"I didn't want to." Balthier glanced at him. "It was something you needed to get out."

"But-"

"Vaan."

The blonde looked away. His eyes felt dry and overused. And he felt like a mess. But now… he started to smile. Now he was starting to feel warm. He's almost forgotten that he wasn't alone. How foolish of him to think that. "I think…" he started to say aloud. "I think I love you."

Balthier pulled him closer. "I know. I think I love you too."

_Always Vaan._

_

* * *

_

**A/N: Awww...that was touching...at least I hope it was to you guys out there ^-^**

**You would not believe the metal issues I had writing this haha- I had to rewrite the ending until I was satsfied and my inner shut up :D**


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